Conception Day! (aka Ready or Not)

I'm pretty sure it's not a thing I should celebrate publicly, but today is Conception Day!  

Yup, one year ago today, my daughter sprung into existence.  I wouldn't know about her for another three weeks, and I'm pretty sure that three weeks from now I won't be celebrating "Pregnancy Tests & Tears Day," so I'm using today to look back at the last year, and as an excuse to introduce another aspect to my blog: parenting and motherhood.  

One year ago today, I stood on a rooftop at sunset, enjoying the view with the man I loved and thought to myself, this is a perfect moment, and I am so immensely happy.  

Couple selfie to capture the magic!

I like to think that this was the exact moment of conception.  Our kid decided that she really wanted to join our family, that she just couldn't wait anymore.  To be super cheesy about it, I think our happiness was a beacon that drew her into existence.  Because we definitely didn't ask for her...  

This wasn't an adventure I had planned on taking just yet.  We were only three years into a five year plan when that second line appeared.  So yeah, there were tears.  And panic.  And curse words. There would have been a crap-load of tequila, but, you know...

 

Here’s something I peed on!

I liked kids, and I was pretty sure I'd maybe want my own someday, but that was for future Wes to deal with.  But suddenly, the future had said to hell with my schedule and decided that NOW was the time.   And as 15 years of reproductive clockwork and control came crashing down around my feet, I tried really hard not to feel like a teenager who had gotten in trouble. I was an adult.  I was in a steady relationship with the man I would spend forever with.  I had a great job, with health insurance.  I was not "financially ready" for a child, but it’s laughable to think I ever would have been.  The timing seemed as good as any when it came down to it.  And as I talked myself away from the edge, things began to look better and better.

I don't think there ever would have come a time when I would have declared myself "ready" for a kid.  So the kid decided that she was ready for us, and barged her way into our lives.   I had been softening towards kids for a few years, but for many years I had been very vocal about NEVER having kids.  I spent most of my twenties with “getting pregnant” at the top of my list of fears.  I was redonkulously careful and safe.  I was the kind of person who, even if I hadn't had sex in a year, would have a minor panic attack about pregnancy if my cycle was a day or so late.  My mom did her job too well scaring us into safety with all those sex ed lectures.  

Over the years and as I approached 30, my “NEVER” became a “maybe.”  I saw friends have kids first and thought “I could do that, maybe.”  Then I met a man and knew right away that I’d spend the rest of my life with him, and maybe have his kids someday.  And without even realizing it, I relaxed my rules about being super careful.  Then, BOOM.  I didn't know it then, but finding myself accidentally knocked up was the best way it could have happened.  I never had to make the choice I didn't know if I really wanted to pull the trigger on, and I didn't have to hear the ticking of my biological clock counting down to doomsday.     

I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, and that everything always works out for the best.  I held firm to that in those first days, trusting the universe to take care of me.  That theory made me take the pregnancy test out of the trash and take a photo of it, knowing that someday I'd be happy about those results and want to celebrate them. And I was right.  I couldn't imagine not having my daughter now.   She makes us complete.   She just belongs here.   She's the living embodiment of our happiness. 

Happy Conception Day, little dude.  Thanks for joining us.  You are proof that the Universe knows best,  and everything is as it was meant to be. 

Ready or not, here I come.